Today was a bad day. The interview I had did not go as well as I thought and I received the news this morning. I am just devastated. I've been working towards this goal for over a year now and to have it not turn out feels like failure. I now have to wait an entire year to reapply.
I've been feeling so good. I've been feeling really strong and capable. Today all of that was dashed and I feel horrible.
So, even though I feel like hiding under the covers and never coming back out I went out and did my run. It was difficult. The whole time I was out there I kept thinking about all of the things that I could've done wrong that made me miss this opportunity and what a failure I am. It is pretty much impossible to run with these things going through your head. I kept trying to focus on all of the great things that I've done and how strong I am to make it to W4D2 of this program but that little voice kept creeping in there.
I also didn't really eat today. I had a small breakfast early on and a latte around noon but that was it. I don't think that was nearly enough to support my run.
My breathing was laboured and while my legs weren't quite as heavy as W4D1, it felt difficult to keep moving forward. I was close to tears when I set out and close to tears still. I was hoping some of those endorphins would improve my mood but it doesn't seem to be the case.
It was important for me to run today. It was important for me to finish the run today. I needed to be successful at something today and I was.
Things will be okay. I will find my way through this and will reach my goal eventually. It's just going to take much longer than I would like.
Stats:
3.25 km
9:54 min/km
